If you drive a car, you’re fucked, man.
It’s not uncommon to describe people, especially stoners, with sweeping, broad generalizations. So unless you want to get pulled over, you might consider avoiding these stoner cars—the kind that (well if we’re sticking with generalizations here) will get you fucking pulled over.
If you follow this guide, you’ll find that you should avoid most cars, because chances are everyone who smokes weed and owns a car smokes weed in their whip, and that’s a recipe for being taken aside and busted at the curb.
Chevy El Camino
Traditionally cops hate these cars that are half truck, half car, with room to smoke big, fat blunts on the glorious tailgate.
Seems unlikely that an eco-friendly driver would smoke weed right? Fuck no, it doesn’t. Haven’t you seen the new 21 Jumpstreet?
Chevy Astro Van
Vans, like the older (really big) Astro, allow plenty of room to do all sorts of weird things—including, but not limited too, smoking mad herb. Avoid tinted windows unless you want to be attacked by the fuzz.
This car was made to hotbox you and your closest friend—just one though because it’s really a tiny car that is the size of a large roller skate. The police are never fooled by Fiat drivers.
Basically a rolling front for whatever the fuck you want it to be doing—including buying, selling, smoking drugs. Avoid if you want to escape jail time.
Any lowrider will get you in trouble—even the most cherished, well-cared for, perfectly painted one. Basically all asshole cops associate a lowered General Motors vehicle with Cheech and Chong; so…
1979 Ford Fairmont
This was my high school car I got as a hand-me-down. It had bench seats—ample for many people to pile in and smoke lots of weed. It also maybe looked like a cop car, because for a while in the ’70s and ’80s, it was the same fucking model as one. Cops hate when you look like them.
If this car has all the fixings that, say, a NASCAR race car would have, then it’s probably a recipe for trouble. It’s basically a cop magnet. Police believe that people who like to have fun (maybe racing) probably like to have fun (maybe with marijuana).
Lots of hacky sacks and sacks of weed found inside. Don’t get in this car.
Bad things happen in these cars (uh Kennedy was shot in one), and they are so big and roomy that drivers often forget they are not in their own house. Lincoln owners often drive without pants on (for pure comfort). Who knows what else they do in those cars. (Hint, lots and lots of illegal drugs.)
Listen Moms and Dads of the world; you are not fooling anyone. Statistically, this is the car most pulled over year after year—for speeding. So hide the weed, speed, and whatever else you got going on in there because you’re likely to be followed by sirens.
Dude, if you tint your windows, take off your rims, and paint your car black-on-black, it’s fine for me (and police!) to agree that you are 100 percent smoking in there.