Dinosaur-on-People Porn Brought My Libido Back From Extinction

If boning a T-Rex is wrong, who wants to be right?

People fucking dinosaurs in self-published e-fiction is not new. In fact, in the past five years, it’s continually made people rich. But where the hell are the new, harrowing stories of dinos and people doing it in caves? It seems this particular, peculiar fantasy factory has hit a lull.

Dino-fuckers (not really I bet) Christie Sims (fake name!) and co-writer Alara Brenwen (fake too!) write the most notable monster-sex genre fiction in cyber town. Their most popular books include, but are not limited to, sex with dinosaurs, centaurs, gryphons, werewolves, dragons, and then a whole bunch of stuff you can’t even imagine.

The real gems are lodged within the actual dinosaur erotica genre—strictly sex things with dinos.

Sims’s description: 

“Almost all of my stories fall under the Monster Sex genre, and come from the inner desires that spring from my mind…I hope you enjoy these tales of beautiful maidens exploring their lust for these powerful creatures as much as I had writing them.”

The inventive and prurient team has published more than 300 books but, sadly, we haven’t seen any new dino porn in almost a year.

Where are the new evolution-defying narratives? Have they been lost forever in an archeological research dig? If only Sims and Brenwen would reveal their (her?) true identity, and we could just email them for direct stimulation…

The writing duo say they started composing dino fiction to make money and retire from their shitty jobs. It seems to have worked. Maybe they don’t need to write this shit anymore.

Brenwen told The Cut:

“Combined, Christie and I make more money than our friend who has been working as an engineer at Boeing for a few years and Christie’s friend who is a five-year accountant in Dallas, Texas.”

So what’s the difference between sex with animals and sex with monsters? Apparently the monsters are smart and human-like. Often the stories include the humans engaging in non-consensual sex.

“It sounds like 50 Shades of Grey with dinosaurs,” radioactivepotatoes says on Reddit.

Exactly right.

The books themselves are only a couple bucks. You can download them instantly to your Kindle, or whatever. I’m sure you’ve always wondered what it’s like to get it good from a tiny-armed T-Rex. It might be time to buy a few of these bad boys.

Here’s a good place to start:

 Here: Taken by the T-Rex

Here: Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt Is Not Enough

Here: Ravished by the Triceratops

Here: Chuck Dinosaur Tinglers: Volume 1

Here: In the Velociraptor’s Nest

Here: Taken by the Pterodactlyl

Here: Mating with the Raptor

Crissy Van Meter is the managing editor at Nouvella Books and the founding editor of Five Quarterly. Her writing has appeared in VICE, Catapult, Guernica, Bustle, ESPN, The Hairpin, Golly, VIDA, and more. Her debut novel is forthcoming from Algonquin Books.
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