Why Vaping Before the Gym Is the Smartest Thing Ever

1) Because you can’t look good without feeling good.

Vaping is so hot right now. And no, I’m not talking about nicotine-laden, bro-empowering e-juice vapes—I’m talking about vaping that more closely resembles portable dabbing. That’s right, vaping is steadily being incorporated into everyday routines across the spectrum of ages: Moms are reading and doing pilates while vaping. Grandpas are fishing and vaping. Dads are golfing and vaping. I’m writing and vaping right now. And millennials (21+) are even being active AF while vaping, which brings us to the gym.

No longer must we mix sweat and tears in a jarringly sober, physically traumatic event three times a week. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to successfully get your butt to the gym, and because of the glory of cannabis, turn the work out into a straight-up therapeutic experience.

Vaping is healthier than smoking.

You can put all kinds of concentrates into a vape pen. As long as that baby has an atomizer, you’re free to load it with shatter, budder, crumble, live resin, hash, and in some cases even some golden honey oil. I love having the freedom to take my extracts with me in my pocket without anyone knowing that I’ve actually got some truly potent weed on deck, or being able to smell the loud. I don’t go to the gym sober, because then I’ll do five minutes on the treadmill and leave. You see, when I’m high, I’ll stay at the gym, and work out for more than an hour, during which time I’ll daydream, and figure out what it is I want to do with my life. And also burn some calories in the process.

Smoking herb prior to any gym trip gives me heavy lungs when I exercise, and I can get wheezy (as do many asthmatics), so vaping is the perfect workaround. I even vaped before running my first 5k in Las Vegas, and crushed it as a result. I literally had no idea I was even running a race. Highly recommend!

I prefer concentrates that are sourced from the strain Super Lemon Haze, because it is chock full of pinene, a terpene that is known to be a bronchodilator, meaning it helps open the bronchioles in the lungs for more oxygen intake. #science

Image via @krunk805/Instagram

Be sure to get good stuff.

Don’t buy shitty extracts. How do you know if it’s shitty? The buzz words you want to hear to make sure your dabs aren’t shitty include solvent-freesolventless, or winterized. These designations involve an expensive extraction process that fully removes whatever element was added to help liquify the dried cannabis (butane, alcohol, propane, nitrogen or CO2). Sometimes raw terpenes are added back into the mix for extra potency, smell and effects.

Reputable brands––such as Moxie, Baroni, Exotikz, Bloom Farms–––are transparent about their extraction processes, and usually include it in the labeling. But many shops still buy wax from shadeballs who made it ghetto-style in their garage, or the backyard. The shoddy stuff will quite literally burn your lungs and throat if you dab it, and more than likely contain high amounts of residual pollutants or pesticides.

You pay more for the good stuff because the equipment costs more, thus more overhead, and it is more labor-intensive to yield a more high end final product. Economics, baby.

Pro Tip: If the dab sizzles and pops on your rig, you’ve got some extra gunk in there that you don’t want on your concentrates. Lipids, mite shit, Eagle20, etc. Shop carefully and spend more if you have to. Remember, you can’t always tell good wax by look and smell alone; some strains are darker upon extraction and aren’t necessarily filled with junk. Cartridges are a different animal entirely. While very discreet and handy, they are usually much less potent, made from sub-par product, and won’t give you the fast high that a dab will.

Get a good on-the-go device.

What you use to take a dab is almost as important as the dab itself! My personal favorite for portable dabs is the Platinum by CloudV (comes with its own nifty case). The Platinum uses a ceramic atomizer on a battery design that fully melts your product. The Topstone is another good route to go down with regard to which device you use to dab on-the-run. You want ceramic in an atomizer because it conducts heat evenly, doesn’t hold the flavor of the last thing you dabbed, and doesn’t allow residue. You don’t waste product or mix them when you add more, thus avoiding inhaling harmful retained particles. Stainless steel is good for convecting; so using it in a dry herb vape is sensible, but don’t dab on stainless steel. In a rig, domes should be ceramic or porcelain. Always wait a hot second after torching your nail before you put your dab on it so you don’t burn out the fuel. May I suggest if you take a legit dab hit that you walk to the gym or ride with a friend? Vaping in the parking lot after you’ve already driven to the gym is much safer, in the realm of traffic accidents. Please be safe. 

Treat yourself right, have a routine.

Like I said, don’t take a huge dab and then drive. My trick is to drive to the gym (or hike or race) and sit in my car vaping for a minute, you know, just jammin’ out to some tunes before going in. About six hits and I’m good, and ready to force myself up and start walking before I melt into my car seat. If anyone tries to talk to me at the front desk, the interaction will be weird. So, there’s that. I’m in between dimensions and can’t communicate well when I’m dabbed out. Deal with it, bro. Anyway, once in, I hustle up to a cardio machine (usually StairMaster or elliptical), put my headphones in and lose my sense of being as I become the music and do a minimum of 15 minutes of cardio without realizing it. Sometimes I get so focused on whatever’s in my head that I’ll do too much. I know I’ll be sore the next day. I drink water. A lot. Then I move to weights (highly recommend you don’t start with lifting! let your brain wander a bit during cardio first).

Remember there will be peaks and valleys as you come in and out of waves of euphoria during your workout.

Sometimes an anxiety wave will hit me just after my pulse picks up. I’ll be like, “Oh God why am I even trying to do anything with my life?!” A few minutes later, I’m fine and back into my rhythm. Know it’s coming, then you’ll know you can get through it. Drink water. Eat afterward. Wait a while before you smoke again. Drink water. I find that the high-THC content and sativa terpenes prevent me from getting post-workout nausea like I do when I’m sober. After an hour workout vape routine, I’m left feeling energetic and accomplished and barely high. Get into it.

TL;DR: pick a good sativa strain, buy quality concentrates, get a good vape, drink water, don’t drive, pump some iron, drink water. Fin.

Repurposed with thanks from Kindland.

Adrienne Airhart is an L.A.-based comedian who is maybe a little too obsessed with linguistics, psychedelics, cannabis and aliens.
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